How to Support Someone With Anxiety (Without Making It Worse)
Supporting someone with anxiety? Learn what helps, what to avoid, and how CBT-informed approaches can make a real difference.
When Someone You Care About Is Struggling
It can be difficult to watch someone you care about experience anxiety.
You might notice they are:
Overthinking or worrying constantly
Avoiding situations
Feeling overwhelmed or on edge
Seeking reassurance
Struggling to cope with everyday tasks
Naturally, you want to help.
But many people find themselves asking “Am I helping… or accidentally making it worse?”
Why Supporting Anxiety Can Feel Confusing
Anxiety doesn’t always respond to common-sense solutions.
You might try to:
Reassure them repeatedly
Encourage them to avoid stressful situations
Solve problems for them
Push them to “just face it”
While these responses come from a good place, they can sometimes maintain the anxiety cycle.
Understanding Anxiety
From a CBT perspective, anxiety is maintained by a cycle of:
Thoughts (e.g. “Something will go wrong”)
Feelings (fear, tension)
Behaviours (avoidance, reassurance seeking)
Short-term relief (like avoiding or being reassured) can make anxiety feel better briefly but it often keeps the problem going long-term.
What Helps (CBT-Informed Support)
Be Calm, Not Corrective
It’s tempting to say “You’ll be fine” or “Don’t worry” but anxiety isn’t always logical.
Instead:
Stay calm
Acknowledge how they feel
Avoid dismissing or minimising
Validate Without Reinforcing Fear
There’s a balance between:
Validating emotions
Reinforcing anxious beliefs
Helpful: “I understand why this feels hard.”
Less helpful: “Yes, that situation is really dangerous.”
Reduce Reassurance Loops
Repeated reassurance can unintentionally:
Increase dependence
Prevent the person from learning they can cope
Instead of answering the same question repeatedly, try “What do you think would help you handle this?”
Encourage Gentle Steps (Not Avoidance)
Avoidance reduces anxiety short-term, but strengthens it long-term.
You can support by:
Encouraging small, manageable steps
Focusing on progress, not perfection
Focus on Coping, Not Removing Anxiety
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety completely.
It’s to help the person feel:
More able to cope
Less controlled by fear
Shift from “How do we stop this?” to “How can you get through this?”
Be Consistent
Anxiety often improves when responses are:
Predictable
Calm
Consistent over time
Mixed responses (sometimes reassuring, sometimes pushing) can make things more confusing.
What to Avoid (Common Pitfalls)
Over-Reassuring
Feels helpful, but can maintain anxiety over time
Encouraging Avoidance
Reduces anxiety short-term, increases it long-term
Taking Over
Can reduce confidence in the person’s ability to cope
Dismissing Feelings
Statements like “just relax” or “it’s not a big deal” can feel invalidating
Supporting Without Burning Out
Supporting someone with anxiety can be emotionally demanding.
It’s important to:
Set gentle boundaries
Take care of your own wellbeing
Recognise what is (and isn’t) within your control
You are supporting them not responsible for fixing everything.
When to Encourage Professional Support
It may be helpful to suggest therapy if:
Anxiety is persistent or worsening
It’s affecting daily life (work, school, relationships)
The person feels stuck despite support
You feel unsure how to help further
How Therapy Can Help
At Shire Therapies, we use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help individuals:
Understand their anxiety patterns
Reduce avoidance and reassurance cycles
Build confidence in coping
Make gradual, meaningful changes
We can also support family members or partners in understanding how to help effectively.
Final Thought
Supporting someone with anxiety isn’t about having the perfect response.
It’s about being:
Calm
Consistent
Supportive of small steps forward
That steady approach can make a meaningful difference over time.
Need Support?
If you or someone you care about is struggling with anxiety, support is available.
At Shire Therapies, we work with:
Anxiety and overthinking
Avoidance patterns
Stress and overwhelm
Get in touch to learn more or book an initial session.